Sugar rush speaking

"This may be my sugar rush speaking from the freeze pop i sucked whole from between your thighs this morning, but i reckon we've been living together for thirty-three billion years now and still at least once a day, once an hour, i catch a pirouette in your speech or a tiny fold in the soft of your body that pulls me out of whatever i'm doing like the sight of a flying cow. And I have long accepted the idea that this is not love as movies and books discuss, that our relationship is more like one of those cosmic arrangements, a sun and moon thing for the benefit of Terran civilizations so they have something to set their calendars to."

(Notes from Heaven Park, ca. 2019)

 

8048

My favorite part of the basking-in-my-brilliance period between writing 'The End' on a big manuscript (last Monday) and actually reading what I wrote (any time now) is pasting together a moodboard of motifs and aesthetics that fed the monster. It's been done before. 

Does this have any positive effect on marketing, as teasers go? I don't care. But personally, two Keira Knightleys is one more than I need to be sold.

Cross your fingers for this one.

[Edited June 30 for new 8048 logo.]

Pregúntale a Evelyn

Querida Evelyn,

Déjate de micromachismos y realidades trans, que mira que te gusta politizarlo todo, y hablemos de lo importante: MODA DE VERANO. ¿Dónde están esas tips? ¡Quiero saber!

Atentamente,

Aries apolítica


Querida Aries,

Cada año, con cada nueva estación, fans por doquier me consultan sobre las tendencias de turno, y mi respuesta es siempre la misma: lee el Vogue, W y Harper’s Bazaar; ojo a las big four (London, Milano, Paguí, Ñuyor), y sobre todo, sé tú misma. Y cada año noto que estos consejos no satisfacen a gente como tú, militantes hardcore de la moda que exigís reglas, no directrices. Entonces pienso si debería deciros que la moda es una farsa. Que los diseñadores son esclavos de sus juntas de accionistas; los costureros son esclavos, a secas; y los redactores, estilistas y fotógrafos son nepobabies o becarios de 36 años, todos los cuales viven de o con sus padres. Pienso si debería divulgar que las tendencias de verano, como cada año, fueron dictadas durante el plenilunio de mayo en un ritual secreto en la azotea del edificio de Condé Nast, por boca de las gurús supremas de la moda, trece mujeres que juntas suman tres mil años y llevan tantas vaginoplastias que sus coños ya son técnicamente palimpsestos, y que en un éxtasis de canapés y cocaína, entre espasmos y autolesiones, gritan conceptos aleatorios como “¡colores energy!”, “¡safari urbano!” o “¡bolsos con dientes!”, y unos amanuenses ciegos los escriben y envían a las revistas. Pero sé que no es lo que quieres oír, Aries. Porque tú no buscas iluminación: buscas un agarradero, un quitamiedos, una biblia, un autócrata, orden en el caos. Porque como todas las personas apolíticas, Aries, eres de derechas. Así que aquí va: Animal prints, lencería vista, transparencias, lentejuelas, grunge. De nada.

Atentamente,

Evelyn

Publicado en la revista El Jueves, Mayo 2023

S'esdevenen cosetes

Jo enllestint un manuscrit en català com si no portés sis anys picant portes a Jòlivut:

 (New book coming from Empúries in Spring 2024. In Catalan.)

The Leftover Days

I don't particularly like xmas (this would've been "I hate xmas" ten years ago), but I do love what comes after it. The days between xmas and the end of the year do not count. They are the calendar's moral-free zone. You can do crimes. I think. Certainly you can ignore all emails, forgo all underwear, and just eat sweets and watch holiday movies till you fall asleep.

I see a lot of holiday movie lists around, but I think there are some underrepresented gems. I'm here to correct this. Also I'm here cause a 2023 wrap-up felt underwhelming. Not that I didn't write a lot. And signed some publishing contracts. Stay tuned.

1. The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

Why it's xmassy: Same reason Die Hard is.

Though the premise foreshadows Bourne so accurately that Brian Cox plays the exact same role, I feel like this is an overlooked Die Hard-derivative: directed by John McTiernan (Die Harder) and with Samuel L. Jackson as the funniest out-of-depth sidekick since himself in Die Hard with a Vengeance. Geena Davis is amazing (in both roles) and she and Jackson make one of the best buddy couples to ever bicker in a car while blowing up very expensive movie sets. I love them more with every rewatch.

 

2. The Jacket (2005)

Why it's xmassy: Happens in the days that don't count.

Around 2005, and for several more years, I used to go to the movies every Wednesday, no matter what. And I'd watch whatever was on. This led me to see lots of movies I didn't care for, and others I've come to adore. This is one of the latter, and walking into the theater without having even glimpsed at a synopsis made it all the better. The first thirty-five minutes can be summed up as "weird shit happens to Adrien Brody". Around that 35-minute mark something happens, and you're like, "oh, so this is what this film is about". It's a feeling I try to recreate often in my work, without success, mostly cause every note-giver in this business is like, "if I don't know what i'm reading in the first five pages I'll die". Anyway. Great story with some fantastic lines, beautiful photography (I love all the random close-ups on body parts), Keira Knightley, and a loveable pre-007 Daniel Craig to boot.

 

3. The Game (1997) 

Why it's xmassy: Scroogey vibes.

Ok, so this one doesn't happen on xmas. Bite me. It's a masterpiece. It's my favorite Michael Douglas, my favorite David Fincher, and it's A Christmas Carol on cocaine. Ebenezer Scrooge went through a lot that night, but he wasn't buried alive in Mexico. And at least for him it was ghosts, not a corporation that owns a skyscraper, which is truly frightening. Oh, the omens. Oh, the doom. Oh, the emotional journey.

 

4. Spirited (2022)

Why it's xm--Oh.

Talk about corporations pulling the strings of magical redemption trips. Well, I like musicals. I'm that kind of person. And I've watched this one every year since it came out, so that must mean something. (It means I have a crush on Sunita Mani. Don't tell her.)

5. Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy (2011)

Why it's xmassy: Because of the xmas party they keep flashing back to.

Yeah, I do watch his one far more frequently than xmas happens. So what. It's a crown jewel. Back to my days of walking into movie theaters unprepared, I saw this and I felt like an idiot. It was slow, boring, I couldn't follow the plot and I understood nothing. Some time later I gave it another chance, watched it at home, pausing and going back every time I thought I'd missed something. And now it's one of my favorite films ever. Top 20. Maybe 10. Who cares. Movie good, Gary Oldman smart, Edgar like. By the time the scene above comes at the end of the film, underscored by Julio Iglesias' rendition of La Mer, I'm on my feet.

I may add a few more later, but this was already more work than I'm supposed to do on December 30th. Good afternoon. And Happy New Year.

The Beginning

 How's this for a novel opener?

That Is not Dead Which Can Eternal Lie

He desfibrilado un blog que llevaba SIETE AÑOS muerto para hablar de Ibáñez. Porque el mundo estaba esperando mi opinión, creo yo. 

Ibáñez y tal - soyunautorderelleno.blogspot.com

 

 IN ENGLISH: Nah, this one really doesn't concern you.

Sinéad O'fucking Connor

Things are dire in Sillywriterland, but let not my everyday struggle distract me from key events. Sinéad O'Connor died today.

Enough people are glossing her legacy, so I'll speak from unfiltered subjectivity: she's in my top 3 musicians ever. I discovered her first two albums in my early 20s: literally found the LPs in the basement and waited till I was alone at my parents' to play them. They blew me away. To hell with the narrative of the one-hit-wonder; don't buy it. "Nothing compares 2 u" is an anecdote. The Lion and the Cobra is raw power; I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got is power with a flourish. The Year of the Horse (concert recorded in Amsterdam) is astounding. Those two LPs' sleeves went on to decorate my home of nine years (the European versions; Americans imposed a different photo for The Lion because the original scared them). On my first trip to NYC I listened to her the whole flight back (I was very sad to return). "It's All Good" is my fave song to play on repeat while hiking in the violet hours. I hear "John I love you" + "My Darling Child" in my head when I curl up and cry. I went to see her live in Barcelona in 2008 and sent her a book with a novella I'd written inspired by "Jackie" and translated to English for her alone. My longest comic (24 pages) is dedicated to her. If you liked The Supernatural Enhancements, know Niamh would not exist without Sinéad.
 

I wish to be capable of such anger and such tenderness as Sinéad O'Connor. May you rest in power. Is breá liom tú.

What Is "Tim and His Gay Friends Go Camping"?

 

Today on Jeopardy! I am now officially American culture.

(Photo by Nick McCavitt.)

Don't let the bastards grind you down

Be gay and ungovernable. Happy pride month.

[Art by Jefferson Costa for the Brazilian edition of Meddling Kids (O caso da mansão Deboën; Intrínseca, 2019).]

This Body's on TikTok

Yeah, sure, Benoit Blanc is awesome, but can Benoit Blanc fans do this?

@keyboardcliccks Not me remembering I had this hat only after recording every other video. #adriankimrean #zooeykimrean #ayzeekimrean #azkimrean #thisbodysnotbigenoughforbothofus #fyp ♬ original sound - hot Robbie

The Kimreanmania is alive and well. Only the chosen have it.

Hill

I finished my first original screenplay.

I may have not published any new material in years, but let this blog show I never stopped making up stuff. We die writing.

Mr. Kimrean

 A page from the unsold spec script of "This Body's" film adaptation. Cause why not.

 

Goin' Down - Free Story

DOWNLOAD HERE

Happy Halloween! :)

 

SMALL PRINT: Format: PDF. Optimized for tablet or bigger. Phone's okay-ish. Free to print. *DO NOT READ ON TEXT EDITORS (WORD, G-DOCS) OR ANY APP THAT OCRs/REARRANGES TEXT; IT IS GUARANTEED TO RUIN IT.* I warned you. :)

Coming October 29

I'm releasing a horror story this Halloween. All new. Teens and up. PDF. For free. Here.

Stay tuned.

 

 

Txutxemància

Mètodes d'endevinació moderns, capítol n. (Coses que vaig fer per a El Jueves, ara en català). #Ciència

I tried translating this to English, but failed: candy referents are too local.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Make It

My last book was published four years ago today.

That was one amazing summer. This Body's first edition and the Meddling Kids paperback came out in the same month. The photographic evidence of that period on my phone is a stream of hotel rooms, bookstores, comic cons, and Kimrean cosplayers. I had the time of my life.

And then.

There is a pervasive habit of discussing a writer's success, or any artist's, by saying that they "made it". I always bridle at questions using that phrasing. First, because "making it" conveys that there is some sort of bar to be cleared separating hopefuls from achievers. That's false: like most things once believed to be binaries, success is a spectrum. And second, "making it" seems to imply that it can't be unmade. But it can. One underperforming book, a couple bad decisions, a sprinkle of bad luck, and a recession to top, and you're all the way back to struggling artist. Juggling jobs, rent, and scrambling for people's attention. In four years, I've gone back to my 25. Eat my ass, Estée Lauder.

We talk about art like it's a race. We encourage each other to never give up, never relent, until we reach some goal, but there is no goal. Summer 2018 was not my goal; it was just an extraordinarily good thing that happened to me, all the better because I got it by doing something that I would've done anyway. I still do it: I write what I like. 

Forget about "making it": art is the purpose, not the means. If your purpose is to get rich, just eat richer people.